My base for my recovery is in Gamblers Anonymous. I believe in what the GA Yellow Book tells me about what will keep me safe from the dark depths of my addiction.
The Definition of Gambling on page 14 tells me that, “Gambling, for the compulsive gambler is defined as follows; Any betting or wagering, for self or others, whether for money or not, no matter how slight or insignificant, where the outcome is uncertain or depends upon chance or “skill” constitutes gambling.”
Ever since the meeting where someone with a lot of successful time away from the bet told me that the secret to this whole journey is to put my recovery first in my life, and that if I didn’t, I would lose everything, I have lived every decision I make by the Definition of Gambling. It has always seemed very simple for my partner and I to evaluate all decisions we make as a couple around the effect it may or may not have on my recovery.
In other posts upcoming I will go into more detail about other things that are in place in my life to keep us and our future safe from me.
The GA Yellow Book has this amazing page at the end of it. Page 17 gives me 8 things to do that if done regularly and correctly will help me continue my recovery journey. They are 8 basic and simple things to incorporate into my everyday living that will help me keep my life becoming one I wish to live in and not escape from.
Number 3 tells me, “Don’t test or tempt yourself. Don’t associate with acquaintances who gamble. Don’t go in or near gambling establishments. DON’T GAMBLE FOR ANYTHING.” These four sentences, for me became just a little bonus addition onto the end of the Definition of Gambling.
An example of how I thought process this is let’s imagine my addiction is a unicycle. It is always there, always available within reach. Maybe it is hidden in a corner of the garage, and one day I come across it. Maybe it’s a day that I am struggling with stuff and feeling out of sorts.
The urge occurs….”Do I or don’t I? Should I or shouldn’t I? Will I or won’t I?”. After all I’ve ridden this unicycle before with disastrous results. I’m not going to do that again without thought.
The thoughts kick in…”You know…the last time I tried to ride this it was rainy and slippery. Today is sunny and warm, and without the rain, I probably won’t fall off.”
So I MAKE THE CHOICE to give it a go. I’m sure that it will be different this time. It might feel great to be back on the unicycle again. It will offer that exhilaration, that heart pounding excitement from doing something daring.
But, as a Compulsive Gambler, I am as completely inept at riding my addiction in a positive fashion as most of the population is at riding unicycles. Therefore, it is ALWAYS going to end in me falling into a hole. EVERY single time, WITHOUT fail, I will fall, and fall hard, rinse and repeat.
What is my first instinct? Easy. I blame the unicycle. Why on earth does it only have one wheel? Would be so much safe for me if it had two wheels and a steering wheel. Who invented something so dangerous and why is it in my garage?
Stupid casino! Why do they send me freeplays? Why don’t they find a way to keep me from gambling? Why are online casinos even allowed to operate? Why is there scratch tickets and machines every single place I go? I couldn’t help it, when an ad popped up on my phone, I just went there and gambled. I wanted to go to a show/dinner/girls night at the casino, I didn’t want to gamble, I just did.
I have learned in my recovery journey that the unicycle is just doing what it knows how to do. Be a unicycle. The casinos are doing what they do, try to make money by people gambling. It is ALWAYS my choice whether to try to ride the unicycle. I make that CHOICE of my own free will as a grown up adult knowing the consequences of deciding to ride the unicycle.
In the end, if I choose to put my ass on that unicycle seat and find the same thing happening that has happened a million times before….
